Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

I've about decided if it wasn't for the sex, I could be gay. Hell, then you're just hangin' out with your buddies.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!