I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.