I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass? Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died. I must've burned ants for an hour, just laughing. Then I saw one on my arm. Let me tell you something, when you burn yourself with a magnifying glass, you're on your own. You can't even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.

The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.

I'd love to be a woman for one day of my life... God... I would be drunk with power.

If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!

When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?