I want you to think back to when you were a kid. Remember the day you learned you could burn ants with a magnifying glass? Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died. I must've burned ants for an hour, just laughing. Then I saw one on my arm. Let me tell you something, when you burn yourself with a magnifying glass, you're on your own. You can't even tell your mom, because she gives that face, Oh, he is that stupid.
Bill EngvallCan someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.
Bill EngvallIf you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
Bill EngvallDid you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.
Bill Engvall