That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

One day I locked my keys in my car and as I was standing there with a hanger halfway through the top of my window, a guy walks up and says, Lock yer keys in the car? Without missin' a beat I said, Nope, Just washed it and was hanging it up to dry. Here's your sign.

Welcome to my garage. This is where I go to get away from the Honey-Do list.

I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.