I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'

I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'

I think my wife puts up with me 'cause I try. I think that's all any guy can do is just try. That's right! 'Cause we ain't never gunna get it. 'Cause as soon as we get close you ladies change it. It's like this memo goes out, 'they're getting close, change it, change it!'

I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane. I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn't aware of my destiny.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.

I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.