A Christian will say... "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.

And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.

To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.

That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.