Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it

What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution. OK, not the most popular idea ever expressed. Either that or you're all real high and agreeing with me in the only way you can right now. (Starts blinking)

Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?

Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much.