Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.

You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.

I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'

Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, "And I'm not getting laid." What am I doing wrong?