The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

I was told when I grew up I could be anything I wanted: a fireman, a policeman, a doctor - even President, it seemed. And for the first time in the history of mankind, something new, called an astronaut. But like so many kids brought up on a steady diet of Westerns, I always wanted to be the avenging cowboy hero - that lone voice in the wilderness, fighting corruption and evil wherever I found it, and standing for freedom, truth and justice. And in my heart of hearts I still track the remnants of that dream wherever I go, in my endless ride into the setting sun.

To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.

It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

God has this...hobby. He creates perfection. This world is not perfect. We have to learn to separate illusions from reality.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.