The role of the comedian is to say 'Wait a minute' when a consensus starts to form.

People always snap and think they're Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they're Buddha?

Marijuana grows naturally...Don't you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don't know, unnatural?

Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.

It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions

And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create Republicans."