Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?

I have something to tell you non-smokers that I know for a fact that you don't know, and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times. Ready?. . . . Non-smokers die every day . . . Enjoy your evening. See, I know that you entertain this eternal life fantasy because you've chosen not to smoke, but let me be the 1st to POP that bubble and bring you hurling back to reality . . . You're dead too.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.