I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.

Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'

I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.

All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'

I've been on what I call my UFO Tour, which means, like UFOs, I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately.