And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

They believe the bible is the exact word of God - Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? "I think what God meant to say..."

I love talking about the Kennedy assasination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it. I think that's interesting in what is ostensibly a democracy. Sarcasm - come on in. People say Bill, quit talking about Kennedy man. It was a long time ago, just let it go, alright? It's a long time ago, just forget it. I'm like, alright, then don't bring up Jesus to me. As long as we're talking shelf life here.

Keith Richards outlived Jim Fixx, the runner and health-nut dude. The plot thickens.

You want a better world...? Legalize pot right now. ...end the deficit? Legalize pot right now...biggest cash crop in America.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.