Talk to women who've ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.

Cleavage is to a man what power is to a woman.

Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away.