Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired of the government snooping into everything you do, Putin's Russia is definitely the place you want to go.

The only sport I really get into is snowboarding. Cause that's the only sport where they perform a half pipe just after smoking a full pipe.

The truth can be hard to take, but we have an obligation to look and see what's going on, and, if we don't like it, a chance to stop going along with it. This important film provides precisely that insight and that opportunity.

Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

Death is nature's way of killing you.

Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.