Many people can't deal with unanswered questions, which religion exploits by providing answers, even if they are just made up by someone. This is also why we love TV shows and movies that neatly wrap up everything in exactly an hour or two.

People say I'm into black women. Robert De Niro is into black women. I'm just into women who are real, and they happen to be black.

Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain.

If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.