I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.

As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don't want Sarah Palin to be president.

I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'

Barack Obama is the President of the United States, a politician in America, a very religious country, so I understand why he has to pretend to be a religious person himself. I say pretend because, I can only hope that someone as bright as he, wouldn't really believe that people can walk on water and ride a winged horse and rain frogs and you can change water into wine.

I think the funniest stuff comes from the heaviest stuff.

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

The president is not doing well with African Americans. His popularity rating - his approval rating - with blacks: two percent. Two percent. That is somewhere between Mark Fuhrman and sickle cell anemia.