People like the Mormons and the Scientologists, who I think should combine and make a Mormontologist because what they believe is just so out there it's just laughable.

Yes, in baseball when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don't fire him because it rains. And you don't let the opposing team choose a new manager for you. And you don't fire him between innings. And replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.

All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

I would wager that the number of civilians that were killed [in] a typical week under Saddam Hussein was probably more than we killed during the weeks we were at war there.

Rational people, anti-religionists, must end their timidity and come out of the closet and assert themselves. And those who consider themselves only moderately religious really need to look in the mirror and realize that the solace and comfort that religion brings you actually comes at a terrible price.

I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.

Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?