Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote.

We're all gonna be gay if we get health care!

In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

People say to me all the time, "I get my news from your show." And that isn't the way they should get their news. But the choice is not between getting their news the right way and getting their news from my show. The choice is that they won't get any at all unless you give it to them in an entertaining package.

The other guys are selling certainty. Not me. I'm on the corner with doubt.

Cleavage is to a man what power is to a woman.