So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex.

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

We don't do sensible things. This is America.

Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical cord around your neck.

America is like a dog. I'm sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can't actually explain issues to a dog.

Now, I'm no doctor, but I am on TV. And in my professional opinion, George Bush is a paranoid schizophrenic.