I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

In Washington, the air quality today was described as 'red.'...You know what 'red' is? It's bad for everyone. Not just old people, sick people and babies. When it's just bad for old people, sick people and babies, that's called a Republican budget.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

New Rule: If you still think Obama is a Muslim, you just might be a redneck. A Christian church in South Carolina has a sign out front that says 'Obama... Osama... Hmmm... Are they brothers?' No, they're not brothers. In fact, they're not even related, which is more than I can say for the married couples in your church.

The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the head of the SEC -- except you can't as president fire the SEC chairman, it's a non-governmental job. Sarah Palin said today one more gaffe from McCain, and she's going to drop him from the ticket.

No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others. Go out and vote for that one.

I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?