If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.

New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It’s not their field. It’s like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here’s what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here’s what they don’t know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I’d join the Tea Party.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Why are we working so hard to preserve Iraq, a fake country to begin with? Why do we care whether this fake country that was drawn on the map 100 years ago remains?