I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?

We don't do sensible things. This is America.

The answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach.

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take.

Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.