Do you want to know why marijuana is illegal? Because the drug companies want marijuana to be illegal. You see, if it came down to Prozak versus Marijuana, Prozak would lose.
Bill MaherGood presidents, people like George Bush, they SEND people to war. They don't bring them a rescue. This is America. We rescue insurance companies and banks.
Bill MaherSpace tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
Bill MaherI don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
Bill MaherYour taxes are due a week from today. You can make out your check directly to Halliburton. Or you can do what I'm going to do. I'm filing my first joint return. No, I'm not getting married, I'm sending the IRS an actual joint with a note that says, 'If you think I'm paying for this war, you must be high.'
Bill Maher