Life is about making tough choices. Sometimes you have to go where your career is going.

Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it."

I'm not a joiner. I don't like organizations.

You can't lie to kids about drugs. They know about drugs. You can't say they're just all bad. They know life is a little more complicated. I have never done heroin. I would never recommend heroin, but it hasn't hurt my record collection.

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

There is a big difference between a disappointing friend and a deadly enemy. Of course the Democrats are disappointing. That's what makes them Democrats. If they were any more frustrating they'd be your relatives. But in this country they are all that stands between you and darkest night. You know why their symbol is the letter 'D'? Because it's a grade that means good enough, but just barely. You know why the Republican symbol is 'R'? Because it's the noise a pirate makes when he robs you and feeds you to a shark.