Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it

When did the business community in America become so sensitive? ... that we have to treat like some type of rare exotic animal - don't startle them or they'll fly away!...we need to soothe them so they can nest here and lay their magic eggs full of jobs! - WHICH NEVER HATCH BY THE WAY!!!

I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?

Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'

I can't stay mad at Pope Frank. I just can't. It's a funny situation that I like the pope and Mel Gibson doesn't.

To paraphrase the great Will Rogers, El Rusho never met a pharmacist he did not like.

Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.