Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty.

Between Ron Paul and Rick Perry, I think the lesson is don't get sick in Texas.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

Republicans have pounced. They're outraged. They say, 'How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?'

The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the head of the SEC -- except you can't as president fire the SEC chairman, it's a non-governmental job. Sarah Palin said today one more gaffe from McCain, and she's going to drop him from the ticket.

Recognition is one of the three big elements of comedy.

There is no such thing as a moderate Republican anymore.