When we make mistakes they call it evil

I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

Maybe a president who didn't believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Stand-up is great because I can get everything off my chest.

African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They said a hoodie is too scary for Congress. Too scary? Have you ever looked into Michele Bachmann's eyes?

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.