Religion is insanity by consensus.

No politician is perfect. But in every election in your life, there will be one choice that is better than the others. Go out and vote for that one.

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.

It somehow became an article of faith on the right that Obama is the most extreme president in American history. Although, when they say that, I think what they really mean is...he's black.

Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built a beanstalk today, you would know the difference? Why do you believe in one fairy tale and not the other? Just because adults told you it was true and they scared you into believing it, at pain of death, at pain of burning in hell.

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.