The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary, because experts say 9.5 is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider Michele Bachmann.

The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves will still be allowed to blow smoke up each other's asses.

I think girls hate each other, no doesn't always mean no, you have to lie to stay married, women's sports are boring and the Olympics are gay.

Rush Limbaugh, who has made a career preaching that anybody who does drugs has got to go right to jail - do not pass go, no questions asked, right to jail - gets caught doing thirty oxycontin a day. Thirty oxycontin?! Do you have any idea how high that is?! I don't, and I've been pretty high!

Democrats are afraid of polls. Republicans aren`t afraid of polls. Republicans make polls. Democrats run from polls.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are "same sex" marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.