I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.

I don't think George Bush is a good president by any imagination, but when he said, 'If you're talking to Al-Quaeda, we want to know what it's about,' it just proves one thing: If you're president long enough, you will one day say something that is true.

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

Republicans look to find the future and they find radio.

You can’t be a rational person six days a week and on one day of the week, go to a building, and think you are drinking the blood of a two thousand year old space god. That doesn’t make you a person of faith…, that makes you a schizophrenic.

I'm worried about a permanent Republican majority. That's what I'm worried about for the future.

Just be happy that something traveled 5,000 miles across the Pacific and, for once, it wasn't your job.