Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'

If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

When the tabloids photograph me when I'm out, I always say: "You know what, folks? I'm not married and I'm not gay. You caught me with a hot chick. You got me. Take me to hot-chick jail. Did it again. Guilty."

North Carolina right now is going apeshit in a way no state ever has. Take every crazy, angry idea your drunk, right-wing uncle mumbles at Thanksgiving, turn it into a law, and that’s North Carolina today.

People have romantic notions about television. In the highest realms they think it's some sort of art medium, and it's not. Others think it's an entertainment medium, it's not that either. It's an advertising medium. It's a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.