Conservatives claim [Hillary] Clinton campaign involved in satanic 'spirit cooking'.

You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people.

Dealing w/ Hamas is like dealing w/ a crazy woman who’s trying to kill u – u can only hold her wrists so long before you have to slap her.

Laughter is sort of a natural truth detector. If you laugh at something, it's probably because there was some truth in it.

You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.

Look at the list of liberals who are active in politics, if not running. Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Springsteen, Spielberg... And then you look at the conservatives, it's like Chuck Norris, Bo Derek and the Gatlin Brothers. I don't know if being liberal makes you more right, but it does seem like it makes you more talented.

Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!