Ronald Reagan basically legalized every illegal immigrant in this country. I just like to bring this up because every week I like to make Republican heads explode about how they love Ronald Reagan, but would despise everything he did.

I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.

I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

You can refer to god and you are really just talking about nature. If you are going to say the universe is god, then everything is god, everything is religion. But when we explore traditional religion we are talking about humanistic gods people pray to, that they think can intervene in our lives, who run sort of a heaven-and-hell operation for the afterworld.

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy

New Rule: President Bush must stop acting like WE'RE the idiots. He gives speech after speech, and the theme is always the same; 'What part of freedom don't you get, you morons?'. I'll answer that for you Mr. President. The part where you give it to people by blowing them up.