If you're living hand-to-mouth, and still buying into the con that the big threats to America are socialized medicine, Mexican immigrants and tax increases, then you're not being kept down by the rich. You're being kept down by you.

Married men live longer. Yes. And an indoor cat also lives longer. It's a furball with a broken spirit, that can only look out on a world it can never enjoy. But it does technically live longer.

This is my question for conservatives: don't you want to live, too?

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and today—Benedict told them he was going to resign because the Church needs a fresh, young face, somewhere other than a priest's lap.

New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.