Good presidents, people like George Bush, they SEND people to war. They don't bring them a rescue. This is America. We rescue insurance companies and banks.

This is a powerful message from our government: we will not be intimidated by bombs; we will not be intimidated by poison; this is America, if you're a violent, paranoid lunatic, you must use a gun!

Politicians will promise some pretty ridiculous things. They will promise a chicken in every pot. They'll promise that they'll keep Social Security solvent. They'll promise drugs for old people. They'll promise lots of stuff. But it doesn't come near the kind of promises that religion makes. The Mormons promise that if you're good while you're on Earth, you get to rule over your own planet in the afterlife. Now, there's an entitlement that goes a little bit beyond prescription drugs for old people.

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.

When you hear a lobby called Partnership for a Drug-Free America, just remember - they do not want a drug free America. They want an America free of drugs that are their competitors.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

We don't like mystery. You like mystery, 'cause it's not a mystery to you; you know when you're gonna get laid.