Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline.

I'm staying in a strange hotel. I called room service for a sandwich and they sent up two hookers.

The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?

Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on to prevent procreation, nothing works better that a sweater vest.

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?