I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.

I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents.

The media is all over this Oui interview that Arnold did 25 years ago. Now, he's admitted he smoked pot, had group sex and didn't mind dating a girl that was out of shape and kind of fat if she satisfied him sexually. So, his handlers have stopped comparing him to Reagan and started comparing him to Clinton.

I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

There are two things that you have to lie to get through. One is politics, and the other is marriage.

The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, 'How am I supposed to fit all this crap on my hand?