I see they found out the universe is 80 million years older than we thought. It's also been lying about its weight.

There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy.

The country can't get well if the people are sick. And the people are sick.

In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.

Donald Rumsfeld also lost his gig last week. When asked what his future plans are, Rumsfeld said, 'What's a plan?'

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.

Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other countries have to use mud.