When sex is good theres nothing better, when its bad its not bad.

This Ted Cruz guy, I mean, he incurred the wrath, really, of his own party. They don't like him. Democrats hate him. Independents hate him. Republicans hate him. Even Miley Cyrus, he's the one guy she refuses to lick.

What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

Sometimes I'm dragging my ass out to the airport at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and I'm wondering why I'm doing this, but once I walk on stage I know why...because I'm addicted.

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.