I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.
Bill MaherThis is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court.
Bill MaherWhen you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
Bill MaherIs it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?
Bill MaherThere's more attention paid to entertainers than ever and less that they have to say. Not that entertainers were ever a great beacon of knowledge to begin with, but at least when the Beatles were the leaders of the culture, they had a message. It was brief; it wasn't terribly complicated. "Give Peace a Chance." "All You Need is Love." But at least they were trying. At least they had grown.
Bill Maher