I love trains. It's the only way to travel anymore where it doesn't involve a TSA agent slowly tracing the curve of my inner thigh.

Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in that, I'm just saying he was born on a Mormon compound. I'm not a 'Wifer' but for some reason he's never shown his original marriage certificate.

Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe - if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why is it different - so different if it's Superman or the Fantastic Four?

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.