I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch Big Brother.

God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, "I can't take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me."

If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.

I used to stay at the Trump [hotels] and I just wouldn't now. The people were great, but I wouldn't stay at a 'birther' hotel.