I kid Fox News, but they may be a little biased. We had an earthquake here on Monday, and they reported that 'the earth's crust was emboldened by Obama's weakness.'

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy

The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

The only way for mankind to survive is for religion to die.

In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!

When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has been taken over by people like evangelicals, by people who do not believe in science and rationality. It is the 21st century. And I will tell you, my friend. The future does not belong to the evangelicals. The future does not belong to religion.

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!