I don't dislike children, I just don't particularly want to be around with them a lot. Problem is, neither do their parents.

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Old Testament, is really one of the most wickedest books you'll ever come across. God is an insecure, rage-filled hybrid of Bobby Knight and Suge Knight. He's got these anger issues that you can't believe. He's like John McCain if McCain could fart hail. He's pro-slavery, he's pro-polygamy, he's homophobic, he'll kill you for masturbating.

Face the fact that there's only one sure-fire way to erase credit card debt. By picking up a big, shiny pair of scissors and cutting your wife in half.

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.

In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it.