The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

For the first time since 1979, we are talking to the Islamic Republic of Iran. Obama says talking to him is probably pointless, but it's a hell of a relief from Mitch McConnell.

Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth control.

The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'

If the Hamas people had the opportunity, they would kill the maximum number of Israelis, which would be all. And, Israel has the opportunity to kill way more, and they do not.

Whatever good religion has done, it has come at a terrible price.

In no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong.