Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.

I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was a troop, I would say, 'You know how to support me? Don't send me to stupid wars.'

Don't wear bacon cologne. If you put on...you know what? Screw it. Wear it. If you are the type of guy who is tempted to wear bacon cologne, it's not like you could get laid any less.

Community is gathering around a fire and listening to someone tell a story.

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

When you tolerate intolerance, you're not really being a liberal.

Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can't pass a background check support background checks.