New Rule: President Bush must stop acting like WE'RE the idiots. He gives speech after speech, and the theme is always the same; 'What part of freedom don't you get, you morons?'. I'll answer that for you Mr. President. The part where you give it to people by blowing them up.

The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...

I’m supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech - when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here’s the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in 'Dancing with the Stars.'

Conservatives claim [Hillary] Clinton campaign involved in satanic 'spirit cooking'.