Republicans say that sex is bad, because with them it always is. It is!...I'm sorry, but they're just doughy, asexual, wonky, white people, and if you had to have sex with them it would be over in an excruciating three minutes. It's just, - and from the headlines of the past year I gather the only sex they're really good at, is gay sex. Really.

The food is out of this world!

I want to see riots! I want to see the kind of riots where cab drivers are afraid to pick up white people! I want to see this guy!

I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.

Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial complex, and said Medicare was socialism that would destroy our freedom. Both sides really should stop pretending he was something other than the man most responsible for our decline.

When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.

You would think there is a higher bar than having a Facebook page to run for president.