The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor.

People who don't like you almost never come up to you. That's a lot of years of saying things that I know a lot of people in this country hate me for. And the number of times someone has come up to me and said something negative, I could count on one hand.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?

Why can't God just defeat the devil and get rid of evil? It's the same reason the comic book character can't get rid of his nemesis; then there's no story.

The Drug War is an addiction, really.

I never hear terrorists say 'Merry Christmas,' only 'Allahu Akbar'.