I think religion is a neurological disorder.

If nobody is clear on what you're protesting, it's not a protest. Thousands of people gathered in London this week to voice their disapproval of the G-20. Their basic message being, Stop all your globalizing and unite the world!

Last week, I suggested the candidates take up mushrooms. I'll be damned if Rick Perry didn't take me up on that.

There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

Don't you miss the days when America was just morally bankrupt?

Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate Pakistan's border to get bin Laden, this week said, 'Of course I would have gotten bin Laden.' Even his Etch-A-Sketch went, seriously?

When those myths were created, when the Bible was written, man didn't know what an atom or a germ was, or where the sun went at night, or why the women got pregnant. [Laughs.] They needed stories to answer the questions.