The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

Why are the patriots the ones who don't want to spend money on trains?

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things like schools, prisons, social security - hey, how about we privatize privacy! Because if the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can`t all marry Liza Minnelli.

I don't respect religon. I don't respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.

Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.

I want to just take a moment to thank the Teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care, for resurrecting the Obama presidency. I know they're saying, 'Why are you thanking me? I was so against it, I marched on Washington with tea bags hanging off my Founding Fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.' And America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'

Nobody sees people as people. It's all how they relate to my little group.