The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

The teachers don't know anything. What are the kids going to learn with a horrible education system?

You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people.

Hillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan have a lot in common - they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy with astrology and Hillary with Barbra Streisand.

BP today finally managed to almost completely stop the flow of information.

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion.